Dear Mary,
It is a common failing of many women, these days, (I would certainly
include myself), to try to be superwomen for our spouses and children. It
is very important, I feel, that if someone needs a caregiver, and they are
lucky enough to have a big family, that the family kind of have a planning
session about who is going to do what. It could be things like someone
coming over and staying with Angelo while you go to the beauty parlor, out
to a movie with a friend or having someone do the grocery shopping twice a
month.
I have recently moved to the community where I live and am busy trying to
finish my MA in Special ed. But there are a few things I've been able to
find, a wonderful church, a nice cancer support center that offers lovely
meditation classes, etc., for me. I haven't been to meditate often enough
lately, but that's another story.
Who really knows about these things; but I feel in my gut that the reason
my cancer came back after 7 years is stress. I don't say that that's going
to happen to you or that anything's going to happen to you, but after
working in hospitals as a social worker for many years, the scenario of the
hospitalized woman who had spent years taking care of an ailing spouse or
parent was all too common.
I can't say much about your experience of watching Angelo get weaker. I,
very likely, don't possess the wisdom. I am watching this happen to my
father now, but he is still taking care of himself and he's got 30+ years
on Angelo, so it's not the same. But I do think that if everyone in the
family is involved with helping take care of Angelo and noone is
overstressed, it will be easier because everyone can feel good about
helping, that what they are doing is life-affirming and offered from one
loving soul to another. This more positive attitude will, I think, be
picked up by Angelo, and likewise, lessen the burden he feels on his
shoulders.
With love and hugs,
Martha
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