[MOL] RE: 3 Jokes!!!! [01967] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] RE: 3 Jokes!!!!



A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few 
things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking 
nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the
checkout line, but she got in front of him. 
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you 
feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just
died recently." 
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? 
It would make me feel so much better." "Sure," answered the young man. 
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" 
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. 
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" 
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk. 


Two men waiting at the pearly gates who struck up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second." It's awful,. you get the shakes
and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. Eventually, it's very
calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you'resleeping.
How about you, how did you die?""I had a heart attack," says the first man.
"You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up
at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone,
knitting I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either.
I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as
fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive
heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asked the first man
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."


Mark & Mary are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Mark says
to Mary (imagine a Yiddish accent), "So, Mary, I was wondering... Have you
ever cheated on me?" 
Mary replies, "Oh Mark, why would you ask such a question now? You don't
want to ask that question..."  

"Yes, Mary, I really want to know. Please..." 

"Well, all right, 3 times..." 

"3, hmmm, well when were they?" 

"Well, Mark, remember when you were 35 yrs old and you really wanted to
start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan...
Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and
signed the loan papers, no questions asked... Well..."

"Oh, Mary, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do
such a thing for me.... So when was number 2?"

"Well, Mark, remember when you had that last heart attack and you
wereneeding that very tricky operation, and no surgeon wanted to touch
you...Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the
surgery himself and then you were in good shape again... Well...."

"Oh my god!! Mary, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life... I
couldn't have a more wonderful wife... To do such a thing, , you must
really love me darling... I couldn't be more moved... So, all right then,
when was number 3?" 

"Well, Mark, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be
president of the congregation.... And you were 47 votes short...."
 
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