A letter from a college student. This one is also worth the full
perusal...
Dear Mom and Dad:
It has been four months since I left for college. I have been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will
bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down.
Don't read any further unless you are sitting down ... OK?
Good. I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture
and the concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my
dormitory when it caught fire, shortly after my arrival, are
pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital
and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches
a day. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were
witnessed by an attendant at a nearby gas station, and he was
able to call the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also
visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live
because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me
to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room,
but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have
fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We
haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm sure it will be before
I start to show.
Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking
forward to being grandparents, and I know you will give the baby
the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was
a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my
boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing
our premarital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him.
This will soon clear up, thanks to my daily penicillin injections.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is
kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious.
Also, he is of a different race and religion than ours, but I
know, after all your years of teaching me tolerance, that you
won't mind the fact that he is somewhat darker than we are.
I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background
is good, too. I am told that his father is an important
gunbearer in his native African village.
I guess that's it. Now that I have brought you up to date, I
want you to know....There was no dormitory fire, I did not have
a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital,
I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphilis,
and there is no man of another race in my life.
However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Political Science,
and I wanted you to see these marks in their proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Chelsea
P.S. Stanford is great...I love it, though I miss you both
terribly...and Socks, too!
P.P.S Dad, please give my best to Monica & the others.
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