[MOL] Barbies List for X-mas [02711] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Barbies List for X-mas



Dear Santa,

Listen you little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing
at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in
frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I
hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be
some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide
meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).

So, here are my demands:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt.
I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing
suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and
velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white and
cotton. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation
underwear to my skin?! It looks like cellulite!

3. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist,
just get it done. And a sports bra to wear until I get the surgery.

4. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How
about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec!

5. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a
miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of
chips;
"Animal Rights Barbie," with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a
fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable
Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

6. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

7. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle Me Elmo over that
wimp of a boyfriend, Ken. And what's with the earring anyway? If I'm gonna
have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

8. Mattel stock options. It's been nearly 40 years-- I deserve it.

9. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp
away once he is anatomically correct.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I
don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you
can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.


Yours truly,

Barbie
Dreamhouse
Malibu, CA
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