[MOL] Still deciding, deciding....:-)/Jean [02892] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Still deciding, deciding....:-)/Jean



Hi,
Well, today has been interesting.  I told my psychologist about my
uncertainty about becoming a Brownie leader.  She didn't give me answers,
of course, but she *did* tell me that she thinks I am basically an
introvert, but all of the put-downs, criticism, fights, etc., in my
childhood alcoholic home caused me to doubt myself and I carry this
sort-of filter  of doubt with me now & it spreads itself over everything 
I do.  When I left her office, I called Jane, the mother of another girl
who is waiting to get into a troop (and a friend of mine) to ask her what
she was thinking of doing - putting her daughter in a new troop at the
new school or putting her back into the old troop.  We agreed that the
problem with the old troop was that the leader's daughter had been so
uncontrollable, but this year the leader has merged w/another troop, is
going to hold meetings at the school (instead of her home), and have
every parent take on two duties, which should defuse her daughter a
little bit.  So I was swaying back and forth between becoming a leader
w/Jane as assistant or putting Shannon back into her old troop.  Well, it
turns out that Jane has way too much on her plate already, so she
couldn't lead with me.  And she isn't all that sure about Brownies since
she says it seems so competitive and entrepreneurial.  Also, she said she
isn't all that much into camping (and neither am I).  I told her it might
be time to give 4-H a try.  Her daughter loves animals, and Shannon
sort-of likes the idea of doing something like that, too.  I've heard
that 4-H is more of an "everybody wins" situation.  I suppose if Shannon
tried out that she could still decide to go back into Girl Scouts later
if she wished.  Anyway, that's where I am right now.  Anybody know
anything about 4-H?  I'm going to search the internet for more
information.

Update:  Just spoke to Shannon's former Daisy leader (now leading a
Brownie troop).  She said that Shannon has a home with her troop if she
doesn't get into another troop.  She said I don't have to rush to decide
whether we'll put her in Brownies or 4-H.  (Of course, I didn't tell her
I felt her daughter was a problem last year.  My understanding is that
the child of any troop leader will most-likely vie for attention, right?)
 Well, I guess the first thing is to become informed right?  Then make a
decision.  My therapist said to just try to look at whatever decision I
make as a "win-win decision."  I told her I'm toying with the idea of
auditioning for the Herndon Town Singers' Christmas show, but I'm afraid
I'll lose interest half-way through, if I make it in.  That's when she
said that she thinks I'm basically an introvert and she described an
introvert as someone who becomes energized by being around other people. 
I guess that happens with me, but then my low self-confidence slowly eats
away at me, distorting the situation until I decide I'm not really all
that happy after all. :-)  Oh well....that's where I stand right now. 
I'll keep you posted.

-Jean



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