Re: [MOL] Talking to kids about sex [01090] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Talking to kids about sex



Christine,
I might just take you up on your offer. LOL  (Of course, it'd be great to
see you, too!)  Actually, I do discuss periods because she and Michael
have seen that once-a-month stuff.  When they were younger, I'd have to
take them into the bathroom w/me because they just weren't that safe
outside.  And -of course - Shannon  is still permitted in occasionally
since she's "a girl like me."  However, it's the sex stuff I think I
might be nervous about.  The other night she awoke unexpectedly and
nearly walked in on us.  I thought I'd end up having to explain things
then!  But she didn't say anything so we escaped just in time.   She sees
me take birth control pills and I've explained that they prevent me from
having any more children.  I tell them that I've decided she and Michael
are all the babies I'll ever want, that they are wonderful kids and
they're just the right number of kids for me. 

Shannon played w/a baby girl at the playground a few nights ago and I
asked her if she'd like a baby sister (all the while knowing that Tom and
I aren't really up to having another child - not at 42/we'd like to have
*some* time alone someday! LOL).  Her eyes lit up and she said "yes,"
while Michael cried out "no!"  (Babies annoy Michael. :-))  When I told
Shannon that a baby in the family would mean less time & attention for
Shannon and Michael, she changed her mind quickly.  Then today, Michael
said he's going to have a baby brother when he gets big (like his dad and
me).  I told him "absolutely not, you'll have to have your *own* kid." 
By the time Michael's big, I'll *really* be out-of-commission in the
kid-making department!  Any time I look goo-goo-eyed at babies, Tom
reassures me that he doesn't want any more kids - which is just as well,
because I do want to have some time alone w/him one day and I'm envying
the cuddliness of the kids, not the diaper-changing, late nights,
car-seat lifting, etc., etc. :-)  II bet teenagers who get pregnant don't
think of that stuff.  I know that my expectations of the work involved in
raising kids was off. 

Anyway, I think it just might be a little uncomfortable to one day have
to admit to my daughter that I do that thing that makes babies. :-)  And
I'll have to then go into a discussion about *how* you do that thing? 
Right now we're just trying to tell her that there are a lot of elements
involved in a good boy/girl relationship, that you should finish school
before you marry a guy (we can always hope.), etc. 

I may just have to yell "help" to you when the time comes to tell her
more than that.  I *am* afraid she'll learn something from her friends
before I have a chance to tell her myself.  I understand that a lot is
said in school and on the school bus.  Her buddy Kevin was here today and
was hamming it up for the video recorder (Linda was here, too, and it was
her last day before she moves to Florida & Shannon "loses" her best
buddy) and he sang, "shake, shake, shake your booby," instead of "shake,
shake, shake your bootie."  I had to tape over *that* one.  When I
pointed out what he'd said, he just said, "Oops, I meant to say "booty." 
Didn't convince me, though. :-)

I agree completely w/not having a set time for a sex discussion but
giving them information throughout their lives.  I wish my parents had
done it, but dad was an alcoholic/manic-depressive so any sex info. he
gave me was a little lewd, and Mom grew up in a very
emotionally-restricted household, so I doubt she was told much either.  I
told Tom I'd handle teaching the kids about sex one day, but I'll admit
that I'm starting to chicken out.  Lucky I still have a few years to go
before I have to tell Shannon.  What's the earliest that girls get their
periods these days?  I know they are attracted to the opposite sex from
practically their first moment in school (A year or so ago, some kid at
Shannon's preschool actually kissed Shannon on the lips and Shannon had a
starry, dreamy look in her eyes when she told me about it!  Scarey!)  And
I hear some kids are "dating" as early as 6th grade now!  

-Jean
P.S.  Last week, Shannon tried on her "dream dress" at a store.  It was
long (to the floor) and sleeveless and it came w/a little knit sweater.  
I was amazed at how grown-up she looked in it!  I got an immediate image
of how my daughter will look as a teenager and it was both glorious and
scarey.  She looks like she will be stunning and will have to fight off
the boys, because she has that lovely blond curly hair and such a pretty
face.  We let her buy the dress w/the intention that she could maybe wear
it to church or some other special occasion, but not school.  Also, she
is  now wearing size 8 dresses and (we only looked at Kohl's) it seems
like the selection for children in that size range is either jeans & tops
or dresses that look more mature than ones I used to buy her when she was
a smaller size.  I'm just stunned!  Is it just that I'm not looking in
the right places or are dresses designed differently when they reach size
8 or is it just that my little girl is getting older - fast!
On Fri, 14 Aug 1998 19:03:02 -0400 Christine White
<christine.white@sympatico.ca> writes:
>My boys  are 7 and 10 and my daughter is 11. I had a talk with my 
>daughter
>last summer about her "changing body". Good thing I did because she 
>got her
>first period about 4 months later. (I also gave her some books so she 
>could
>read them at her leisure). In her grade 5 class last year, they had 
>"the
>talk". The public health nurse came in 3 times to discuss things with 
>them.
>The boys and girls were together. All three of my kids pretty well 
>know all
>these things. We take every opportunity at home to discuss sex, birth
>control, aids, etc. TV brings up many opportunities for discussion. 
>What we
>are trying to teach them now is the emotional side and common sense 
>side,
>like don't have sex with a boy because he says he loves you, don't 
>kiss and
>tell, watch your reputation, etc. My mother was very open with me and 
>I
>guess, in turn, that is where I get it from. I actually enjoy 
>discussing it
>with them so, Jean, don't have any fear about the topic. Just like
>discussing cancer, be honest and straightforward. I found it has 
>brought me
>and my daughter closer, like girls sharing a secret. Heck, I'll come 
>down
>and talk to your kids! LOL.
>Christine
>
>
>At 11:29 AM 14/08/98 -0400, you wrote:
>>That reminds me.  When I was a young adult, I decided that I was 
>going to
>>buy a book on sex since Mom was not forthcoming w/info.  Some guy saw 
>me
>>browsing the books in a bookstore (while my mom waited outside) and 
>he
>>offered to tell me anything I wanted to know about the subject - just
>>ask.  To this day, I don't know if he was on the level or giving me a
>>come-on.  Guess I was sort-of lucky to get out of there safely, huh?  
>By
>>the way, I bought the book. ;-)  I didn't get any instruction while I 
>was
>>growing up & Tom and his siblings were just handed a book!  I hope 
>I'm
>>more capable of discussing the subject w/my kids when the time comes.
>>-Jean
>>
>>On Fri, 14 Aug 1998 08:19:29 -0700 John <lehnerj1@ix.netcom.com> 
>writes:
>>>Dear Jean,
>>>
>>>How elase can you read the instruction manual????
>>>
>>>John
>>>
>>>Thomas A Johnson wrote:
>>>> 
>>>> So, John.  You do it with the lights on, huh?  You're being quite 
>>>candid
>>>> here these days. :-)
>>>> -Jean
>>>> 
>>>> On Thu, 13 Aug 1998 13:55:03 -0700 John <lehnerj1@ix.netcom.com> 
>>>writes:
>>>> >Dear Lil
>>>> >
>>>> >Do you think that's why I was born in the dark and have been kept 
>
>>>in
>>>> >the
>>>> >dark for most of my life?  They only let me out a few times and I 
>
>>>have
>>>> >
>>>> >the four girls to show for it!
>>>> >
>>>> >Love Ya!
>>>> >John
>>>> >
>>>> >> >The Lantern
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into 
>>>labor
>>>> >in
>>>> >> >>the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to 
>>>assist
>>>> >in
>>>> >> >>the delivery.
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him 
>a
>>>> >> >lantern
>>>> >> >>and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm 
>>>doing."
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to 
>>>put
>>>> >the
>>>> >> >>lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little 
>>>baby.
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that
>>>> >lantern,
>>>> >> >>young man...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried 
>>>the
>>>> >> >doctor.
>>>> >> >>
>>>> >> >>The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked 
>>>the
>>>> >> >>doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
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