Re: [MOL] response to Barbara [02517] Medicine On Line

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Re: [MOL] response to Barbara

Ken:  We have all gone through all those emotional issues you expressed to Barbara.  Before I got cancer, I went to pay a water bill.  The lady behind the counter looked, old, tired, yet truly had a wonderful smile.  I asked "Why are you smiling today"; she responded , "Well I got up today, I'm alive, Praise the Lord!".
I walked away and somehow knew this was a special message being sent to me for some unknown reason.  When I came down with cancer, I knew immediately what her message was to be to me.  I say her words every day and keep a smile on my face.
I too had to give up toxic friends.  First, I explained to them that it was very important to be positive at all times, and could they be like that?  Only two wanted to oh poor me and they are now not in my life.  Some friends were too pushy, did you try this, are you sure, what did the doctor say again (like I had memory lapse)! 
I had to speak to these people and told them not to overload my brain computer or it would shut down on me.   To ask me one question and then allow me time to digest it and I would get back with them. 
My husband was a piller; but had to learn he couldn't wait on me hand and foot.  He also had to learn that when I was having a bad day, I simply was not going to go out for walks or exert myself, that I needed my energy to focus mentally. 
I don't believe my experience is any different from the survivor clan on this net.  All of whom are forthright and yes thought provoking.
My marriage is better than ever, my friends are dearer than ever, and the world with each new day is the miracle of life.  Keep us informed on how things are going for you.  Lillian 
-----Original Message-----
From: ken naehring <>
To: mol-cancer <>
Date: Tuesday, December 30, 1997 11:02 PM
Subject: [MOL] response to Barbara

Barbara, I too am having some issues with my family.  I can't know all of what yours are, but I can sure empathise as I am sure alot of others can.  I can tell from reading messages from Marty that he and Barb established what their marriage needed to be for survival, but I wonder if they had other family members to deal with....

Mine are first and foremost with my parents and then my husband.  Every time I talk with my mother we end up in an argument.  She doesn't agree with the way that I view any of this or what I am trying to do to survive it.  I always feel like the little girl who is doing something wrong, not the 45 year old woman who is an adult trying to survive cancer.  My husband is used to me being the strong one and as soon as I tell him what or how I feel or what I question, he either asks me a question that makes me feel he didn't listen, or he gives me the old "I don't want to put pressure onyou...BUT"....

Today I finally found an oncologist that I am going to stay with and one
of the things that he said to me was that I had to put toxic relationships
on hold for awhile.  I just haven't figured out how to accomplish this.  I
am going to start a couple of journals.  #1 is my cancer journey.  #2 is
going to be for my emotions and thoughts.  #3 is going to be a gratitude journal.  Maybe the relationships will  be less toxic for me if I have arelease for it all.  I learned so many things today, just when I thoughtthat I knew it all!  LOL!

I sobered up today as to what I am dealing with and was not happy at all that I learned.  I am going to do some research myself and then meet again with the oncologist.  I must give him credit for much of what he said, one of the things was that he couldn't cure me and that there are alot of things that go into surviving and many of those I am in charge of.  So my dear friend, I don't have the answer as to how to do it yet, but I do know that you cannot let your family bring you down or distress you.  Maybe somewhere in this forum, others can tell us what they did to keep their attitude, strength and that order!

I will get the results of the PET scan tomorrow.  The oncologist today told me that I have sort of done things out of sequence.  He said I should have had the PET scan done before surgery.  He said I also should have had an MRI of the brain done and a bone scan.  Also since I now only have one lung, I should have another CT scan.  So I am scheduled for these in two weeks.  This oncologist seems to feel that for my type of cancer I should have chemo and radiation.  The theory behind it makes sense, though I don't want to have it done.  Anyway he has told me to go into the National Cancer Institute online and do a Physician Data Query to see what clinical trials are being done as well.  I believe this is because some of the clinical trials being done would be using chemo and/or radiation with adeno lung stage II.
This would indicate that they are funding these trials because they feel
that there is some benefit to the chemo.  He feels that the benefit
percentage in my case is about 20% and that is worth doing, but he wants me to research and be comfortable with any decision.  He feels that it is worth trying and is an aggresive approach and I want to be aggressive, as I want to live many more years.

Yes I am working on diet and vitamins, minerals and herbs.  Lets look
realistically to the fact that the immune system needs the boost.  If our
immune systems were healthy then we might not have cancer.  I know it is hard to get up each day and look forward and not wonder if you are or aren't cured, as I face that each day too.  I believe that we need to remember is that our greatest enemy is not the disease but despair.  Cancer might rob us of that blissful ignorance that once led us to believe that tomorrow stretched forever, but in exchange we are granted the vision to see each day (today), as a precious gift to be used wisely and richly.

God Bless you and my love and support go out to you.........Carla