Ken: We have all gone through all those
emotional issues you expressed to Barbara. Before I got cancer, I went to
pay a water bill. The lady behind the counter looked, old, tired, yet
truly had a wonderful smile. I asked "Why are you smiling
today"; she responded , "Well I got up today, I'm alive, Praise the
Lord!".
I walked away and somehow
knew this was a special message being sent to me for some unknown reason.
When I came down with cancer, I knew immediately what her message was to be to
me. I say her words every day and keep a smile on my face.
I too had to give up toxic friends. First, I explained
to them that it was very important to be positive at all times, and could they
be like that? Only two wanted to oh poor me and they are now not in my
life. Some friends were too pushy, did you try this, are you sure, what
did the doctor say again (like I had memory lapse)!
I had to speak to these people and told them not to overload
my brain computer or it would shut down on me. To ask me one
question and then allow me time to digest it and I would get back with
them.
My husband was a piller; but had to learn he couldn't wait on
me hand and foot. He also had to learn that when I was having a bad day, I
simply was not going to go out for walks or exert myself, that I needed my
energy to focus mentally.
I don't believe my experience is any different from the
survivor clan on this net. All of whom are forthright and yes thought
provoking.
My marriage is better than ever, my friends are dearer than
ever, and the world with each new day is the miracle of life. Keep us
informed on how things are going for you. Lillian
Barbara, I too am having some issues with my family. I can't know
all of what yours are, but I can sure empathise as I am sure alot of others
can. I can tell from reading messages from Marty that he and Barb
established what their marriage needed to be for survival, but I wonder if
they had other family members to deal with....
Mine are first and
foremost with my parents and then my husband. Every time I talk with
my mother we end up in an argument. She doesn't agree with the way
that I view any of this or what I am trying to do to survive it. I
always feel like the little girl who is doing something wrong, not the 45
year old woman who is an adult trying to survive cancer. My husband is
used to me being the strong one and as soon as I tell him what or how I feel
or what I question, he either asks me a question that makes me feel he
didn't listen, or he gives me the old "I don't want to put pressure
onyou...BUT"....
Today I finally found an oncologist that I am
going to stay with and one of the things that he said to me was that I
had to put toxic relationships on hold for awhile. I just haven't
figured out how to accomplish this. I am going to start a couple of
journals. #1 is my cancer journey. #2 is going to be for my
emotions and thoughts. #3 is going to be a gratitude journal.
Maybe the relationships will be less toxic for me if I have arelease
for it all. I learned so many things today, just when I thoughtthat I
knew it all! LOL!
I sobered up today as to what I am dealing
with and was not happy at all that I learned. I am going to do some
research myself and then meet again with the oncologist. I must give
him credit for much of what he said, one of the things was that he couldn't
cure me and that there are alot of things that go into surviving and many of
those I am in charge of. So my dear friend, I don't have the answer as
to how to do it yet, but I do know that you cannot let your family bring you
down or distress you. Maybe somewhere in this forum, others can tell
us what they did to keep their attitude, strength and family...in that
order!
I will get the results of the PET scan tomorrow. The
oncologist today told me that I have sort of done things out of
sequence. He said I should have had the PET scan done before
surgery. He said I also should have had an MRI of the brain done and a
bone scan. Also since I now only have one lung, I should have another
CT scan. So I am scheduled for these in two weeks. This
oncologist seems to feel that for my type of cancer I should have chemo and
radiation. The theory behind it makes sense, though I don't want to
have it done. Anyway he has told me to go into the National Cancer
Institute online and do a Physician Data Query to see what clinical trials
are being done as well. I believe this is because some of the clinical
trials being done would be using chemo and/or radiation with adeno lung
stage II. This would indicate that they are funding these trials because
they feel that there is some benefit to the chemo. He feels that
the benefit percentage in my case is about 20% and that is worth doing,
but he wants me to research and be comfortable with any decision. He
feels that it is worth trying and is an aggresive approach and I want to be
aggressive, as I want to live many more years.
Yes I am working on
diet and vitamins, minerals and herbs. Lets look realistically to
the fact that the immune system needs the boost. If our immune
systems were healthy then we might not have cancer. I know it is hard
to get up each day and look forward and not wonder if you are or aren't
cured, as I face that each day too. I believe that we need to remember
is that our greatest enemy is not the disease but despair. Cancer
might rob us of that blissful ignorance that once led us to believe that
tomorrow stretched forever, but in exchange we are granted the vision to see
each day (today), as a precious gift to be used wisely and
richly.
God Bless you and my love and support go out to
you.........Carla
