John... Happy New Year from your friend from Venus! LOL! Carla..
-----Original Message-----
From: lehnerj1@ix.netcom.com <lehnerj1@ix.netcom.com>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Wednesday, December 31, 1997 10:12 AM
Subject: Re: [MOL] response to Barbara
>> Barbara, I too am having some issues with my family. I can't know all
>> of what yours are, but I can sure empathise as I am sure alot of
>> others can. I can tell from reading messages from Marty that he and
>> Barb established what their marriage needed to be for survival, but I
>> wonder if they had other family members to deal with....
>>
>> Mine are first and foremost with my parents and then my husband.
>> Every time I talk with my mother we end up in an argument. She
>> doesn't agree with the way that I view any of this or what I am trying
>> to do to survive it. I always feel like the little girl who is doing
>> something wrong, not the 45 year old woman who is an adult trying to
>> survive cancer. My husband is used to me being the strong one and as
>> soon as I tell him what or how I feel or what I question, he either
>> asks me a question that makes me feel he didn't listen, or he gives me
>> the old "I don't want to put pressure onyou...BUT"....
>>
>> Today I finally found an oncologist that I am going to stay with and
>> one
>> of the things that he said to me was that I had to put toxic
>> relationships
>> on hold for awhile. I just haven't figured out how to accomplish
>> this. I
>> am going to start a couple of journals. #1 is my cancer journey. #2
>> is
>> going to be for my emotions and thoughts. #3 is going to be a
>> gratitude journal. Maybe the relationships will be less toxic for me
>> if I have arelease for it all. I learned so many things today, just
>> when I thoughtthat I knew it all! LOL!
>>
>> I sobered up today as to what I am dealing with and was not happy at
>> all that I learned. I am going to do some research myself and then
>> meet again with the oncologist. I must give him credit for much of
>> what he said, one of the things was that he couldn't cure me and that
>> there are alot of things that go into surviving and many of those I am
>> in charge of. So my dear friend, I don't have the answer as to how to
>> do it yet, but I do know that you cannot let your family bring you
>> down or distress you. Maybe somewhere in this forum, others can tell
>> us what they did to keep their attitude, strength and family...in that
>> order!
>>
>> I will get the results of the PET scan tomorrow. The oncologist today
>> told me that I have sort of done things out of sequence. He said I
>> should have had the PET scan done before surgery. He said I also
>> should have had an MRI of the brain done and a bone scan. Also since
>> I now only have one lung, I should have another CT scan. So I am
>> scheduled for these in two weeks. This oncologist seems to feel that
>> for my type of cancer I should have chemo and radiation. The theory
>> behind it makes sense, though I don't want to have it done. Anyway he
>> has told me to go into the National Cancer Institute online and do a
>> Physician Data Query to see what clinical trials are being done as
>> well. I believe this is because some of the clinical trials being
>> done would be using chemo and/or radiation with adeno lung stage II.
>> This would indicate that they are funding these trials because they
>> feel
>> that there is some benefit to the chemo. He feels that the benefit
>> percentage in my case is about 20% and that is worth doing, but he
>> wants me to research and be comfortable with any decision. He feels
>> that it is worth trying and is an aggresive approach and I want to be
>> aggressive, as I want to live many more years.
>>
>> Yes I am working on diet and vitamins, minerals and herbs. Lets look
>> realistically to the fact that the immune system needs the boost. If
>> our
>> immune systems were healthy then we might not have cancer. I know it
>> is hard to get up each day and look forward and not wonder if you are
>> or aren't cured, as I face that each day too. I believe that we need
>> to remember is that our greatest enemy is not the disease but
>> despair. Cancer might rob us of that blissful ignorance that once led
>> us to believe that tomorrow stretched forever, but in exchange we are
>> granted the vision to see each day (today), as a precious gift to be
>> used wisely and richly.
>>
>> God Bless you and my love and support go out to you.........Carla
>> Dear Carla,
>
>I was truly moved by your message to Barbara. You are a great addition
>to this site! I agree and am so glad that you have an onc that feels the
>patient plays a significant role in the recovery process. Marty and I
>have discussed a number of times the effects of toxic stress and the need
>to rid our selves of it. Acceptance and an "Attitude of Gratitude" goes
>a long way to accomplishing this. Do get and read "Don't Sweat The Small
>Stuff..." it is truly a wonderful guide to ridding yourself of the old
>destructive habits we all carry...it will even protect you against the
>stress of we men being from Mars! :=)
>
>God Bless
>John
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