> Barbara, I too am having some issues with my family. I can't know all
> of what yours are, but I can sure empathise as I am sure alot of
> others can. I can tell from reading messages from Marty that he and
> Barb established what their marriage needed to be for survival, but I
> wonder if they had other family members to deal with....
>
> Mine are first and foremost with my parents and then my husband.
> Every time I talk with my mother we end up in an argument. She
> doesn't agree with the way that I view any of this or what I am trying
> to do to survive it. I always feel like the little girl who is doing
> something wrong, not the 45 year old woman who is an adult trying to
> survive cancer. My husband is used to me being the strong one and as
> soon as I tell him what or how I feel or what I question, he either
> asks me a question that makes me feel he didn't listen, or he gives me
> the old "I don't want to put pressure onyou...BUT"....
>
> Today I finally found an oncologist that I am going to stay with and
> one
> of the things that he said to me was that I had to put toxic
> relationships
> on hold for awhile. I just haven't figured out how to accomplish
> this. I
> am going to start a couple of journals. #1 is my cancer journey. #2
> is
> going to be for my emotions and thoughts. #3 is going to be a
> gratitude journal. Maybe the relationships will be less toxic for me
> if I have arelease for it all. I learned so many things today, just
> when I thoughtthat I knew it all! LOL!
>
> I sobered up today as to what I am dealing with and was not happy at
> all that I learned. I am going to do some research myself and then
> meet again with the oncologist. I must give him credit for much of
> what he said, one of the things was that he couldn't cure me and that
> there are alot of things that go into surviving and many of those I am
> in charge of. So my dear friend, I don't have the answer as to how to
> do it yet, but I do know that you cannot let your family bring you
> down or distress you. Maybe somewhere in this forum, others can tell
> us what they did to keep their attitude, strength and family...in that
> order!
>
> I will get the results of the PET scan tomorrow. The oncologist today
> told me that I have sort of done things out of sequence. He said I
> should have had the PET scan done before surgery. He said I also
> should have had an MRI of the brain done and a bone scan. Also since
> I now only have one lung, I should have another CT scan. So I am
> scheduled for these in two weeks. This oncologist seems to feel that
> for my type of cancer I should have chemo and radiation. The theory
> behind it makes sense, though I don't want to have it done. Anyway he
> has told me to go into the National Cancer Institute online and do a
> Physician Data Query to see what clinical trials are being done as
> well. I believe this is because some of the clinical trials being
> done would be using chemo and/or radiation with adeno lung stage II.
> This would indicate that they are funding these trials because they
> feel
> that there is some benefit to the chemo. He feels that the benefit
> percentage in my case is about 20% and that is worth doing, but he
> wants me to research and be comfortable with any decision. He feels
> that it is worth trying and is an aggresive approach and I want to be
> aggressive, as I want to live many more years.
>
> Yes I am working on diet and vitamins, minerals and herbs. Lets look
> realistically to the fact that the immune system needs the boost. If
> our
> immune systems were healthy then we might not have cancer. I know it
> is hard to get up each day and look forward and not wonder if you are
> or aren't cured, as I face that each day too. I believe that we need
> to remember is that our greatest enemy is not the disease but
> despair. Cancer might rob us of that blissful ignorance that once led
> us to believe that tomorrow stretched forever, but in exchange we are
> granted the vision to see each day (today), as a precious gift to be
> used wisely and richly.
>
> God Bless you and my love and support go out to you.........Carla
> Dear Carla,
I was truly moved by your message to Barbara. You are a great addition
to this site! I agree and am so glad that you have an onc that feels the
patient plays a significant role in the recovery process. Marty and I
have discussed a number of times the effects of toxic stress and the need
to rid our selves of it. Acceptance and an "Attitude of Gratitude" goes
a long way to accomplishing this. Do get and read "Don't Sweat The Small
Stuff..." it is truly a wonderful guide to ridding yourself of the old
destructive habits we all carry...it will even protect you against the
stress of we men being from Mars! :=)
God Bless
John
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