Re: [MOL] response to Barbara [02501] Medicine On Line

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Re: [MOL] response to Barbara

ken naehring wrote:
> Barbara, I too am having some issues with my family.  I can't know all
> of what yours are, but I can sure empathise as I am sure alot of
> others can.  I can tell from reading messages from Marty that he and
> Barb established what their marriage needed to be for survival, but I
> wonder if they had other family members to deal with....
> Mine are first and foremost with my parents and then my husband.
> Every time I talk with my mother we end up in an argument.  She
> doesn't agree with the way that I view any of this or what I am trying
> to do to survive it.  I always feel like the little girl who is doing
> something wrong, not the 45 year old woman who is an adult trying to
> survive cancer.  My husband is used to me being the strong one and as
> soon as I tell him what or how I feel or what I question, he either
> asks me a question that makes me feel he didn't listen, or he gives me
> the old "I don't want to put pressure onyou...BUT"....
> Today I finally found an oncologist that I am going to stay with and
> one
> of the things that he said to me was that I had to put toxic
> relationships
> on hold for awhile.  I just haven't figured out how to accomplish
> this.  I
> am going to start a couple of journals.  #1 is my cancer journey.  #2
> is
> going to be for my emotions and thoughts.  #3 is going to be a
> gratitude journal.  Maybe the relationships will  be less toxic for me
> if I have arelease for it all.  I learned so many things today, just
> when I thoughtthat I knew it all!  LOL!
> I sobered up today as to what I am dealing with and was not happy at
> all that I learned.  I am going to do some research myself and then
> meet again with the oncologist.  I must give him credit for much of
> what he said, one of the things was that he couldn't cure me and that
> there are alot of things that go into surviving and many of those I am
> in charge of.  So my dear friend, I don't have the answer as to how to
> do it yet, but I do know that you cannot let your family bring you
> down or distress you.  Maybe somewhere in this forum, others can tell
> us what they did to keep their attitude, strength and that
> order!
> I will get the results of the PET scan tomorrow.  The oncologist today
> told me that I have sort of done things out of sequence.  He said I
> should have had the PET scan done before surgery.  He said I also
> should have had an MRI of the brain done and a bone scan.  Also since
> I now only have one lung, I should have another CT scan.  So I am
> scheduled for these in two weeks.  This oncologist seems to feel that
> for my type of cancer I should have chemo and radiation.  The theory
> behind it makes sense, though I don't want to have it done.  Anyway he
> has told me to go into the National Cancer Institute online and do a
> Physician Data Query to see what clinical trials are being done as
> well.  I believe this is because some of the clinical trials being
> done would be using chemo and/or radiation with adeno lung stage II.
> This would indicate that they are funding these trials because they
> feel
> that there is some benefit to the chemo.  He feels that the benefit
> percentage in my case is about 20% and that is worth doing, but he
> wants me to research and be comfortable with any decision.  He feels
> that it is worth trying and is an aggresive approach and I want to be
> aggressive, as I want to live many more years.
> Yes I am working on diet and vitamins, minerals and herbs.  Lets look
> realistically to the fact that the immune system needs the boost.  If
> our
> immune systems were healthy then we might not have cancer.  I know it
> is hard to get up each day and look forward and not wonder if you are
> or aren't cured, as I face that each day too.  I believe that we need
> to remember is that our greatest enemy is not the disease but
> despair.  Cancer might rob us of that blissful ignorance that once led
> us to believe that tomorrow stretched forever, but in exchange we are
> granted the vision to see each day (today), as a precious gift to be
> used wisely and richly.
> God Bless you and my love and support go out to you.........Carla

Dear Carla,

YOur message is so brilliant, so energetic and so caring. I have been
logged onto this list for some 6 months now and I am just in awe at the
brilliance that is reflected in the many messages of not only Hope but
knowledge, understanding, and dedication to themselves as well as others
in order to fight and win this disease. I am just speechless sometimes,
as I am in your message.

When you say greatest enemy is not disease but despair, that sums it up.
Because despair encompasses so much, so very much that it limits our
ability to grasp the entire circle of what needs to be done to beat the
disease, so then it becomes so very important to dissect "the meaning of
despair" and literally diffuse the effect of its meaning in order for us
to achieve the winning of this war. YOu also said about family problems
and relations, that is also one segment of "despair". We cope this way,
we sit down we tell them point bland what they, yes they have to do in
order for you to get well. We have faced that, and we feel by means of
being direct and to the point, by them understanding that this is very
serious will they be able to grasp its seriousness and meaning. If they
do not, then you have to be able to take yourself away from them, mind
and body in order for you to be able to get well. The emotions and
arguments are limiting this ability, thus becoming "despair".  It is not
selfish of you, do not feel guilty, but in order for you to get well and
be well you need all your attention to yourself and you need people
around you, surrounding you with positive love and energy and support
for your recovery. That is that, no buts or excueses. That is what it
will take and it worked well for us and they respected us for our

God Bless Carla,
Keep in touch with all of us. You are special

Marty Auslander
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