Barbara, I too am having some issues with my family. I can't know all
of what yours are, but I can sure empathise as I am sure alot of others
can. I can tell from reading messages from Marty that he and Barb
established what their marriage needed to be for survival, but I wonder if they
had other family members to deal with....
Mine are first and foremost
with my parents and then my husband. Every time I talk with my mother we
end up in an argument. She doesn't agree with the way that I view any of
this or what I am trying to do to survive it. I always feel like the
little girl who is doing something wrong, not the 45 year old woman who is an
adult trying to survive cancer. My husband is used to me being the strong
one and as soon as I tell him what or how I feel or what I question, he either
asks me a question that makes me feel he didn't listen, or he gives me the old
"I don't want to put pressure onyou...BUT"....
Today I finally
found an oncologist that I am going to stay with and one of the things that
he said to me was that I had to put toxic relationships on hold for
awhile. I just haven't figured out how to accomplish this. I am
going to start a couple of journals. #1 is my cancer journey. #2
is going to be for my emotions and thoughts. #3 is going to be a
gratitude journal. Maybe the relationships will be less toxic for me
if I have arelease for it all. I learned so many things today, just when I
thoughtthat I knew it all! LOL!
I sobered up today as to what I am
dealing with and was not happy at all that I learned. I am going to do
some research myself and then meet again with the oncologist. I must give
him credit for much of what he said, one of the things was that he couldn't cure
me and that there are alot of things that go into surviving and many of those I
am in charge of. So my dear friend, I don't have the answer as to how to
do it yet, but I do know that you cannot let your family bring you down or
distress you. Maybe somewhere in this forum, others can tell us what they
did to keep their attitude, strength and family...in that order!
I
will get the results of the PET scan tomorrow. The oncologist today told
me that I have sort of done things out of sequence. He said I should have
had the PET scan done before surgery. He said I also should have had an
MRI of the brain done and a bone scan. Also since I now only have one
lung, I should have another CT scan. So I am scheduled for these in two
weeks. This oncologist seems to feel that for my type of cancer I should
have chemo and radiation. The theory behind it makes sense, though I don't
want to have it done. Anyway he has told me to go into the National Cancer
Institute online and do a Physician Data Query to see what clinical trials are
being done as well. I believe this is because some of the clinical trials
being done would be using chemo and/or radiation with adeno lung stage
II. This would indicate that they are funding these trials because they
feel that there is some benefit to the chemo. He feels that the
benefit percentage in my case is about 20% and that is worth doing, but he
wants me to research and be comfortable with any decision. He feels that
it is worth trying and is an aggresive approach and I want to be aggressive, as
I want to live many more years.
Yes I am working on diet and vitamins,
minerals and herbs. Lets look realistically to the fact that the immune
system needs the boost. If our immune systems were healthy then we
might not have cancer. I know it is hard to get up each day and look
forward and not wonder if you are or aren't cured, as I face that each day
too. I believe that we need to remember is that our greatest enemy is not
the disease but despair. Cancer might rob us of that blissful ignorance
that once led us to believe that tomorrow stretched forever, but in exchange we
are granted the vision to see each day (today), as a precious gift to be used
wisely and richly.
God Bless you and my love and support go out to
you.........Carla
