--------------------
> Dear Diana,
>
> Thank you for encouraging me to render my journey with cancer to writing.
> Marty has also been after me to do the same...so here goes a condensed
> version.
>
> I have spent most of my adult life in health care management in one form
> or another. As a result, I do not hold physicians in the same light as
> do most people. I am probably the last one to take care of me. I smoked
> a pack of cigarettes a day since I was in the Army 30 years ago (my how
> times fly!). That is I used to smoke...until my surgery in March of this
> year. I always felt that somehow I was immortal...I faced death several
> times in Vietnam, had several near death experiences in civilian life but
> was never "brought to my knees" to the extent of dealing with my
> mortality.
>
> All of that changed in February of this year. I had been experiencing a
> bloody mucus discharge from my nose for several years. I attributed this
> to some medication I sprayed into my nose daily to manage my migraine
> headachs (another example of my immortal attitude). I suddenly realized
> one day that I had a hole in the hard palet of my mouth and was able to
> draw air from my nose into my mouth through the hole. I realized that I
> could not drink soda through a straw because the hole and made it
> impossible to create suction.
>
> I immediately had this sinking feeling in my gut that I was in serious
> trouble and something was drastically wrong. I discussed it with my wife
> (I'm married with four daughters ranging from 17 to 3 and a half year old
> twins...I'm 55 by the way...so you see the extent of my commitment to
> immortatity! :-)) and we both agreed I had to get to an ENT specialist
> pronto. I used a local one who, after scoping me, advised that I have a
> biopsy asap. Two days later, I was in the local community day surgery
> having the biopsy done of my nose and the upper palet of my mouth. I
> will never forget his telephone call to me two days later...I had
> squamous cell carcinoma. I cried like a baby and my wife and I just held
> each other for what seemed like hours.
>
> Once my initial reaction passed, I focused my attention on getting as
> much information as I could, dealing with the children and deciding what
> course of action I was going to take. I was fortunate to be working in a
> cancer research laboratory and so, was guided by both the professional
> staff and my contacts within the National Cancer Institute. I was seen
> within three days of diagnosis by head and neck specialists at Memorial
> Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City (I live & work in northen
> Weschester). They recommended radical surgery and radiation therapy.
> Still somewhat in a daze, I sought a second opinion at John
> Hopkins...they confirmed what Memorial Sloan Kettering physicians
> recommended.
>
> A good part of me was still in the immortal stage and I expressed to a
> physician friend of mine (on the job) that I was considering doing
> nothing since my wife and family would probably be better off financially
> without me (what bravado nonsense!) and I wanted to maintain my "quality
> of life". Thank God he read the riot act to me and related some
> experiences he had in treating terminally ill cancer patients...there
> went the "quality of life" argument! I then spent the next week
> preparing my wife and children for the eventuallity of surgery (I was
> really preparing me!). The twins were young enough that, as long as
> their routine was maintained they would be OK. The tough ones were my 17
> and 7 year olds. My wife and I met with the school psychologists to be
> sure that there was emotional support for them. I also was very open and
> honest with them as to what was going to be done.
>
> All this time I never turned to God for my strength but continued to
> occupy myself with the details of what I had, what would be done and
> helping others prepare for what I was going to go through. All I
> remember about that day was getting up early, going into the city and
> going to sleep after admission to Memirial Sloan Kettering.
>
> I came to in a hospital room with my wife and her sister at my side. I
> had been in the OR for sixteen hours and had my nose and upper jaw
> removed, bone from my laft arm grafted into my mouth to form a new jaw,
> and bone removed from my hip to graft to my arm to make up for the
> loss of bone in my arm! In addition, my migrains hit with a new vengence
> as a result of the trama to my face.
>
> It took several weeks to integrate everything that had happened to me.
> The physicians were wonderful as was the nursing care. When I got
> depressed, the chaplain and psychiatrist were both there. All I had to
> do during my three weeks in the hospital was deal with my feelings. It
> was during this time that I let God into my life as I gradually realized
> that I was going to live!...they had successfully removed all the tumor!
>
> Once home, I began the six months of recovery which included 37
> treatments of radiation therapy of my face. I could not have made a
> successful recovery without 1. the daily love, acceptance, and support of
> my wife and children. 2. placing my life in God's hands and just paying
> attention to the daily tasks, each in there own time. 3. the skill and
> dedication of all my oncologists...the surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the
> orthapedist, the radiation oncologist and the dental surgeon who, very
> skillfully, made prostetic nose and teeth for me. There were many ups
> and downs during that six months including a readmission for dehydration.
> I was only abe to deal with each and every one of them because of the
> love and support that I had from my family, my physicians, and my God.
>
> Returning to work in September was my latest major adjustment. I was
> extreemly fortunate to have an organization that stood behind me, paid me
> during my absence, applauded my "courage" and welcomed me back. Of
> course the political and power game had changed during my absence. My
> experience with cancer has given me a new perspective on life and a new
> course and direction to follow that does not have any room for such
> foolish games...besides , cancer tends to "humblize" one and removes any
> illusion of immortality!
>
> Thus is the journey that has brought me to experience the love, warmth
> and security of friends who have had the courage to overcome the beast
> called cancer and to let in the light of hope through the website. I
> feel fortunate to belong to the growing number of cancer survivors...for
> without this journey, I don't believe I would be so close to my God nor
> so sure of my charted course for living life.
>
> My love and prayers to all
>
> John Lehner
>
Dear JOhn, :)
HOw emotionally amazing. The words cannot describe how so brilliantly
you have articulated your courageous story. YOu may have set a
precedence here and one that I would encourage all who have joined this
discussion group to share with. Each and every success story is a boost
to the psychi and welfare of those who are experiencing their battle
with cancer.
I believe it is therapeutic to the individucal, whether caregiver or
surivor, to relate their stories as it benefits not only their own
emotional needs, but it benefits all others who are in need of
emotional support and comfort. The comfort knowing that they are hearing
first hand a success story from a survivor.
Thank you JOhn, it certainly has benefited me and my wife and hope you
don't mind if I share your story with other discussion listservs that I
post to. You are indeed an ispiration and professional and very good
friend.
God Bless YOu and your family,
Marty Auslander
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