LINHILLIS@aol.com wrote:
>
> Shelley & John
>
> Thank you both for the warm and encouraging posts. John could you share
> with me your story? I guess I missed your earlier posts or I hadn't joined
> mol-cancer until after you had.
> Take Care
> Diana
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Dear Diana,
Thank you for encouraging me to render my journey with cancer to writing.
Marty has also been after me to do the same...so here goes a condensed
version.
I have spent most of my adult life in health care management in one form
or another. As a result, I do not hold physicians in the same light as
do most people. I am probably the last one to take care of me. I smoked
a pack of cigarettes a day since I was in the Army 30 years ago (my how
times fly!). That is I used to smoke...until my surgery in March of this
year. I always felt that somehow I was immortal...I faced death several
times in Vietnam, had several near death experiences in civilian life but
was never "brought to my knees" to the extent of dealing with my
mortality.
All of that changed in February of this year. I had been experiencing a
bloody mucus discharge from my nose for several years. I attributed this
to some medication I sprayed into my nose daily to manage my migraine
headachs (another example of my immortal attitude). I suddenly realized
one day that I had a hole in the hard palet of my mouth and was able to
draw air from my nose into my mouth through the hole. I realized that I
could not drink soda through a straw because the hole and made it
impossible to create suction.
I immediately had this sinking feeling in my gut that I was in serious
trouble and something was drastically wrong. I discussed it with my wife
(I'm married with four daughters ranging from 17 to 3 and a half year old
twins...I'm 55 by the way...so you see the extent of my commitment to
immortatity! :-)) and we both agreed I had to get to an ENT specialist
pronto. I used a local one who, after scoping me, advised that I have a
biopsy asap. Two days later, I was in the local community day surgery
having the biopsy done of my nose and the upper palet of my mouth. I
will never forget his telephone call to me two days later...I had
squamous cell carcinoma. I cried like a baby and my wife and I just held
each other for what seemed like hours.
Once my initial reaction passed, I focused my attention on getting as
much information as I could, dealing with the children and deciding what
course of action I was going to take. I was fortunate to be working in a
cancer research laboratory and so, was guided by both the professional
staff and my contacts within the National Cancer Institute. I was seen
within three days of diagnosis by head and neck specialists at Memorial
Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City (I live & work in northen
Weschester). They recommended radical surgery and radiation therapy.
Still somewhat in a daze, I sought a second opinion at John
Hopkins...they confirmed what Memorial Sloan Kettering physicians
recommended.
A good part of me was still in the immortal stage and I expressed to a
physician friend of mine (on the job) that I was considering doing
nothing since my wife and family would probably be better off financially
without me (what bravado nonsense!) and I wanted to maintain my "quality
of life". Thank God he read the riot act to me and related some
experiences he had in treating terminally ill cancer patients...there
went the "quality of life" argument! I then spent the next week
preparing my wife and children for the eventuallity of surgery (I was
really preparing me!). The twins were young enough that, as long as
their routine was maintained they would be OK. The tough ones were my 17
and 7 year olds. My wife and I met with the school psychologists to be
sure that there was emotional support for them. I also was very open and
honest with them as to what was going to be done.
All this time I never turned to God for my strength but continued to
occupy myself with the details of what I had, what would be done and
helping others prepare for what I was going to go through. All I
remember about that day was getting up early, going into the city and
going to sleep after admission to Memirial Sloan Kettering.
I came to in a hospital room with my wife and her sister at my side. I
had been in the OR for sixteen hours and had my nose and upper jaw
removed, bone from my laft arm grafted into my mouth to form a new jaw,
and bone removed from my hip to graft to my arm to make up for the
loss of bone in my arm! In addition, my migrains hit with a new vengence
as a result of the trama to my face.
It took several weeks to integrate everything that had happened to me.
The physicians were wonderful as was the nursing care. When I got
depressed, the chaplain and psychiatrist were both there. All I had to
do during my three weeks in the hospital was deal with my feelings. It
was during this time that I let God into my life as I gradually realized
that I was going to live!...they had successfully removed all the tumor!
Once home, I began the six months of recovery which included 37
treatments of radiation therapy of my face. I could not have made a
successful recovery without 1. the daily love, acceptance, and support of
my wife and children. 2. placing my life in God's hands and just paying
attention to the daily tasks, each in there own time. 3. the skill and
dedication of all my oncologists...the surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the
orthapedist, the radiation oncologist and the dental surgeon who, very
skillfully, made prostetic nose and teeth for me. There were many ups
and downs during that six months including a readmission for dehydration.
I was only abe to deal with each and every one of them because of the
love and support that I had from my family, my physicians, and my God.
Returning to work in September was my latest major adjustment. I was
extreemly fortunate to have an organization that stood behind me, paid me
during my absence, applauded my "courage" and welcomed me back. Of
course the political and power game had changed during my absence. My
experience with cancer has given me a new perspective on life and a new
course and direction to follow that does not have any room for such
foolish games...besides , cancer tends to "humblize" one and removes any
illusion of immortality!
Thus is the journey that has brought me to experience the love, warmth
and security of friends who have had the courage to overcome the beast
called cancer and to let in the light of hope through the website. I
feel fortunate to belong to the growing number of cancer survivors...for
without this journey, I don't believe I would be so close to my God nor
so sure of my charted course for living life.
My love and prayers to all
John Lehner
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