HewRon@aol.com wrote:
>
> Dear Diana, and all you other thoughtful, caring people.
>
> I have been coming to these pages every day, and wanting to say something
> uplifting, but it is hard to try to lift people up when you have so little
> strength yourself. Sorry. Truth to tell this has been a very tough time for
> me, following consolidation, despite all the love and attention I have
> received. But next week is supposed to be different because I have for 10
> days been injecting myself with neupogen, which is should have a good effect
> on my low white-cell count: Wednesday it was 400, Thursday 500, Friday 700.
> Monday? Please God! Today I took the last of those shots until after my next
> period of consolidation. The doctor says he wouldn't be surprised to see the
> count rise dramatically, to more than 2000 this week. And then, a week next
> Friday, I am due back in hospital for more consolidation, followed by more of
> the same..
>
> Though I believe throughout I have adopted a really positive attitude, I have
> to say--between you, me and the world at large-- I'm wondering about the
> wisdom of constantly building up your bloodcount only to smash it to
> smithereens in the hope that the good guys will grow after you have killed
> the bad guys. But what can you do? You have to have faith in the method you
> have chosen (still accompanied by Chinese herbs, though now in pill form).
> And you have to have faith in the people who have chosen such a difficult
> profession, working to pull us through our difficulties.
>
> Though I wasn't in hospital, this week as an outpatient I had four blood
> transfusions: one bag of platelets on Monday, another on Wednesday and two
> bags of red cells and one bag of platelets on Friday. I would lie if I said
> Friday evening was any kind of an evening at all. Thank God my friend had to
> attend to business. I'm glad he didn't gave to share such misery. On Saturday
> I woke feeling much better. But I am going to discuss these heavy
> transfusions with the doctor. I think they are are more than I can take.
>
> Sorry. Not an inspiring message. This cancer thing is up and down, as you
> say, and between now the end of all the consoldations I can expect some peaks
> and troughs. ((If I decide to go through with them -- I am hoping to speak
> to a different kind of doctor very very soon. And meantime I want a very deep
> heart-to-heart with my hematologist when he returns from vacation next week.
> There must be other paths, though perhaps they have not been discovered yet.)
>
> Meantime I think I am in the best of hands and being treated with the best of
> intentions and probably the best medicine available today.
>
> I still am sure of success and return to normal. But some journeys are easy,
> and some are not. This one, so far, has had its really bumpy stretches, and
> long long stretches of exhaustion. I treasure the help I have received from
> my friend and others, and feel real kinship with those on this list, some of
> whom have written me messages that have gone ununanswered. Forgive me. I look
> forward to the day I can spend more time here at my IBM.
>
> Hope this note hasn't brought you down.
>
> It is, I believe, at least painfully honest.
>
> In a while a friend is coming round and we are taking a short talk around
> Lincoln Center. The weather is cool and gray and you definitely need a coat.
> But oh, that fresh air is good -- and yes, the air is excellent around here,
> I suppose because of the river stretching all around and Central Park and
> all.
>
> Courage and fortitude are words that occur to me right now. May we all have
> them in abundance and see beyond the kind of dark nights I have (perhaps
> thoughtlessly) spoken about here.
>
> Love
>
> -- Ron
>
> Dear Ron,
YOur compassion and concerns articulate the desires for all of us that
our prayers and necessity to help will also help you overcome your
discomforts, fears and disease. Pls stay in touch with this listserv at
there are so many here that offer wise and knowledgeable medical and
alternative advice.
I noticed that you are doing some things alternatively. That is very
good. May I suggest, that you seek out an institution that is medically
controlled for your specific alternative needs to boost your immune
system. For instance places like Livingston Foundation in San Diego,
Gerson Clinic in Mexico and the Health Quarters in colorado Springs.
May I also suggest you read "The Cancer Battle Plan" by Anne Frahm.
This will give you a little bit more insite to what I am speaking of.
YOu are right in the sense that chemotherapy does help in one manner and
yet is a deterrent in another manner. We have experienced that. That is
one of the better reasons for not shutting the door to any and all other
conventional and alternative procedures.
Pls continue your great attitude as you are an inspiration to many of us
here.
God Bless you and your support team Ron,
YOur friend
Marty Auslander
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