>Date: Sun, 6 Oct 1996 07:45:17 -0700
>From: blclarke@ix.netcom.com (Bertha Clarke )
>Subject: Fwd: Hazardous material handling
Forwards deleted,m
>
>HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM
>MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
>
>WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis
>
>ELEMENT: Woman
>SYMBOL: Wo
>DISCOVERER: Adam
>ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to 550
>lbs.
>OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world
>
>PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
>
> 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
> 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
> 3. Melts if given special treatment.
> 4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
> 5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
> 6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
>
>CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
>
> 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious
>stones.
> 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
> 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known
> reason.
> 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation
>in
> alcohol.
> 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
>
>COMMON USES:
>
> 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
> 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
> 3. Very effective cleaning agent.
>
>TESTS:
>
> 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
> 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
>
>HAZARDS:
>
> 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
> 2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
>maintained at
> different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct
>contact
> with each other.
>
> ******
>
>HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
>MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
>
>MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
>
>ELEMENT: MAN
>SYMBOL: Ego
>DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a
> craving for ribs.
>ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.
>OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly
>concentrated
> deposits at all sporting events and areas known as
>"singles
> bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any
>location
> where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave
>Labor)
>
>PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
>
> 1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in
>others.
> 2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
>
> Sense.
> 3. Melts if treated like a God.
> 4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme
>caution.
> 5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply
>sensitive
> to extremely thick.
> 6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields
> only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
>
>CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
>
> 1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and
> semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However,
> is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn
> against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin
> combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic
> attraction for this element.
> 2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
> 3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention,
> reassurance, and stroking.
> 4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel
> most other elements.
> 5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household
>cleansers.
> 6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly
> those of the malodorous variety.
> 7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 &
>#6.
> 8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
> 9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
>10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
************************************************************************
* Arnold Smokler, Pharmacist, Pharmacologist & Computer Consultant *
* Chairman, Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia Support Group (WMSG) *
* Email address:asmokler@erols.com Phone:703-321-8888 FAX:703-321-8920 *
* Visit my home page at http://www.erols.com/asmokler/index.html *
* Visit the WMSG home page at http://www.erols.com/asmokler/wmsg.htm *
************************************************************************
