Fwd: Hazardous material handling [00718] Medicine On Line


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Fwd: Hazardous material handling



>Date: Sun, 6 Oct 1996 07:45:17 -0700
>From: blclarke@ix.netcom.com (Bertha Clarke )
>Subject: Fwd: Hazardous material handling 

Forwards deleted,m
>
>HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM 
>MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET 
> 
>WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis 
>
>ELEMENT:       Woman 
>SYMBOL:        Wo 
>DISCOVERER:    Adam 
>ATOMIC MASS:   Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to  550 
>lbs. 
>OCCURRENCE:    Copious quantities throughout the world 
> 
>PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 
> 
> 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film. 
> 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 
> 3. Melts if given special treatment. 
> 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 
> 5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 
> 6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. 
> 
>CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 
> 
> 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious 
>stones. 
> 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. 
> 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known 
>    reason. 
> 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation 
>in 
>    alcohol. 
> 5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. 
> 
>COMMON USES: 
> 
> 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 
> 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. 
> 3. Very effective cleaning agent. 
> 
>TESTS: 
> 
> 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. 
> 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen. 
> 
>HAZARDS: 
> 
> 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. 
> 2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be 
>maintained at 
>    different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct 
>contact 
>    with each other. 
> 
>                 ****** 
> 
>HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET 
>MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET 
>
>MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS 
> 
>ELEMENT:  MAN 
>SYMBOL:   Ego 
>DISCOVERER:  Eve.  Discovered by accident one day when she had a 
>                   craving for ribs. 
>ATOMIC MASS:  Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs. 
>OCCURRENCE:  Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly 
>concentrated 
>             deposits at all sporting events and areas known as 
>"singles 
>             bars".  Extremely low quantities can be found in any 
>location 
>             where cleaning up is required.  (See Women and Slave 
>Labor) 
> 
>PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 
> 
> 1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in 
>others. 
> 2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common 
>
>    Sense. 
> 3. Melts if treated like a God. 
> 4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme 
>caution. 
> 5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply 
>sensitive 
>    to extremely thick. 
> 6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields 
>    only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied. 
> 
>CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 
> 
> 1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and 
>    semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store).  However, 
>    is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn 
>    against the skin of a woman.  It is believed woman's skin 
>    combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic 
>    attraction for this element. 
> 2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened. 
> 3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, 
>    reassurance, and stroking. 
> 4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel 
>    most other elements. 
> 5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household 
>cleansers. 
> 6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly 
>    those of the malodorous variety. 
> 7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & 
>#6. 
> 8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness. 
> 9. Is impervious to embarrassment. 
>10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman. 
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
************************************************************************
* Arnold Smokler, Pharmacist, Pharmacologist & Computer Consultant     *
* Chairman, Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia Support Group (WMSG)       * 
* Email address:asmokler@erols.com Phone:703-321-8888 FAX:703-321-8920 * 
* Visit my home page at http://www.erols.com/asmokler/index.html       *
* Visit the WMSG home page at http://www.erols.com/asmokler/wmsg.htm   *
************************************************************************